Day One

Thursday February 18, 2010

Woke up this morning with a HUGE headache.  A "hangover" from my last "sugar binge".  If you can call 3 cookies a sugar binge.  But for me it is.  See, I am addicted to sugar.  I can admit it freely, but now I have to actually DO something about it!  I lived without sugar for a whole year a couple of years ago.  I don't know why I went back to my old ways or why it has been so hard to get "back on the wagon", but it is.  I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis about 2 1/2 years ago.  There seems to be a direct correlation to the severity of my symptoms and my consumption of sugar.  So it has been a constant battle for me.  An internal one.  A battle against my addiction, but failing completely.

My cousin called me yesterday and is border line diabetic.  She was calling to order some Reliv Glucaffect, which is specifically designed to help people manage their blood sugar naturally.  We started chatting about healthy eating and blah, blah, when I told her that I needed to get off sugar again.  She then suggested that we get off sugar together.  I thought, "Great a partner!" and then I thought, "Great a partner, I'll be accountable to someone, I have to actually do it now."  

So I had my last "hoopla" last night and now here I am with a big headache and knowing that if I just had a piece of chocolate, it would subside(temporarily).  For me a sugary dessert is a pleasurable eating experience. I take that first bite and the sweetness stuns me with it's goodness.  It spreads across my tongue and envelopes me in complete satisfaction, yes, Yes, YES!  While my brain is screaming at me, "NO, NO, NO!"  At this point I am past caring what my brain is saying, my craving is satisfied.  For now.  But like a bad debt, it NEVER goes away!

I made it through the day without any "incidents", but then the evening time came around.  After dinner my husband and 2 children decide to have a couple of cookies.  I had to retreat to my bedroom and start reading.  I had to get away or I would have savagely ripped the cookies away from my two-year old like some kind of deranged hobbit.

Well, here's to my journey to become "sober".  I can't really toast it with eating a cookie, so I'll have some water.  Ugh!  If anyone would like to join me in this quest, you are welcome to come along!